I am very fortunate to be a
person who is quite comfortable in their own skin. I have plenty of things I
could consider wrong with me, but I have a sufficient amount of confidence. I
do not suffer from a fear of public speaking and do not mind talking to other
people. In fact, I barely care if I am talked about in a negative fashion, this
helps a lot with the fear of rejection. As long as I approve of myself I am
confident regardless of others opinions. I always say that it is okay with me
if I am the most interesting part of someone elses day, if they are talking
about me, I must be. For arguments sake,
I do not think this happens much. I often make jokes about myself when I see
the someecards that are popular on the internet. One in particular says: I
should be ashamed of myself. Let’s be clear; I’m not, but I should be. This is not to say I am Miss Personality and
wheel and deal my way around a room of strangers, but I get by just fine. I
will talk to anyone, at least briefly; I would even consider a tree, especially
if I was in a “Castaway” situation, perhaps a Volleyball named Wilson.
I grew up with two shy parents. I
had no idea that they were shy for a long time, but the shy gene seemed to skip
me and I came out guns blazing. When I was a little girl I was a sassy little
thing. Due to my everlasting energy I was put into gymnastics and dance
classes. A big part of learning skills and choreography is performing, which I
loved. I could not get enough of it. Let us just say that when I was little I
had a big ego and applause was my favorite thing. As I have grown up I learned
some manners and have changed quite a bit. I would categorize myself as an
introvert with extroverted tendencies. My preference is to be at home, like a
hermit and keeping to myself. When I spend a large portion of time engaging
with others I find that it drains me the older I get. I think as I am getting
older I am getting more stuck in my ways. I find that social conventions, like my
refusal to drink alcohol, causes a severe lack of interest between myself and
others, especially in my immediate peer group. Though I do not mind morally
when others imbibe, I find that it gets old quickly when it gets out of hand
and being the sober person makes you eternally the designated driver. If any
event with strangers involves this aspect I tend to withdraw and not do as well
making acquaintances as I could do.
McKay, Davis & Fanning refer
to the fear of strangers as a main reason others have difficulties making
contact. I find that this applies to me in the physical sense, not the
emotional sense. I have a strange, huge fear of not being able to trust
strangers because I am afraid I may be harmed. I also watch too much TruTV and
crime shows.
This is not to say I am
completely immune to the issues that come along with making contact with new
people. I do much better in person due to body language, but have found the
necessity to adapt when I know I am going to have a “cold” conversation on the
telephone. When I began college, I moved out of state and knew no one. I met a classmate
in my first class and we ended up exchanging numbers. I needed to call for
notes and assignment related reasons. In case it went south quickly, I made a
note card of talking points to keep the conversation on track. Luckily I did not
need them. Later I found that my classmate did the same thing and we became
friends for a while after college. He taught me the term awkward turtle and I
try at all costs not to go all awkward turtle when talking to others and try to
bail them out from doing the same. To this day when I need to call new people
while I am at work, I have a sticky note on hand just in case I need to recall
my talking points.
I find that I employ a lot of the
same techniques the McKay, Davis & Fanning text suggests. I use body
language to try to convey my openness to communicate such as smiling and making
eye contact. I also use icebreakers. I find something I genuinely like about
someone, which is not very difficult and let the other person know in a sincere
manner. This seems to allow the other person to feel receptive to my presence.
I also am quite a goofy person and am comfortable with adding a little humor. The
McKay, Davis & Fanning text also discusses the art of conversation. It has
come to my attention that I am basically a nosy person, especially when I want
to know something. I have a curious mind. I am willing to ask questions like I
am interviewing you for a news segment as well as pry when necessary. I am
comfortable with follow up questions. I also actively listen so that I can
learn the answers to my inquiries and am not fearful of self-disclosure. In
fact, I could use a little work reeling that in. Those who have known me long
enough know not to ask questions when you are not prepared for very candid,
very frank, full-detailed responses. The term too much information can often
apply to me. Like I mentioned earlier, I should be ashamed, but I am not.
From experience I find that the
most pleasurable conversations result in finding another person that is truly
willing to make contact when you are. I can weasel responses out of someone and
do my best to be friendly, but sometimes you just don’t make that connection or
feel that spark. The best conversations are when two people have a meeting of
the mind. I find that it is very rare for this to happen, especially as others
are becoming less social in person, maybe due to social media. When I do find
someone who I meet that is receptive, I could talk for hours and it is
rewarding and exciting to know interesting people.
Reference: McKay, M., Davis, M., & Fanning,
P. (2009). Messages: The communication skills book. Oakland: New Harbinger
Publications, Inc.
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